All of a sudden, one fine day I was married to an unknown young man. Only on our first night did I actually see him from top to bottom! As every next girl would fell for her husband, I was not an exception.The moment he leaned on me, there the unknown youngster had transformed into my "Pati-Parmeshwar". Loving him was my duty, more than my wish. But when duty gradually began taking shape into a beautiful wish, You took away my dear husband from me. Hey! Lord, what mistake did I commit while playing those multiple roles of wife, daughter-in-law, aunt and so many more? What went wrong, that I was pushed to a totally different world where there were no colors, no smile, no life? Why did You take away my husband, who had now become "Parmeshwar" for me? Despite following the so-called 'dharma' with all dedication, God; You have given a bitter life. What am I going to do without my husband now? Can I stay without him?
My barren forehead pictures the emptiness in my life. The white colored sari resembles the colorless life I'm living. Alive, only for namesake, lips are as if stitched forever. The sad, dull and pale me misses the bubbly, mischievous, carefree and happy me.
O My God! Is it right for a widow to think of her past? To think of her first night, with an unknown person(husband of course)? But today if she longs to be with that very unknown person, is this fair? Is it right to desire to go back to her first night? Noooooo.....This is not right. Go away! All you thoughts, vanish off from here! Leave me alone at once! But unfortunately, there is no control over our thoughts. "Now I am a widow first and then a woman", this is the bitter fact of my life.
Turning off the lamp has become a daily ritual for me, but seeing a stranger who is staring back at me is new to me. His gazing makes me feel uncomfortable. A fear makes its way out, "If my unstable mind wanders and heart beats go high, then what?" Can I control my feelings then? No matter what, I have to remain heartless forever.
O Lord, his mouth organ is unwittingly dragging me towards him. His eyes radiate an immense energy of love. Looking straight into them for a second too melts my heart as never before. I never felt such an intense feeling towards my husband too. And then the subconscious mind mutters, "What are you thinking? You are a widow. The white color can never change into a red one now. Thinking of love again is said as "Paap" or "Sin". You have to control your goalless desires young lady. Sacrifice is the second name of a woman."
When I desired, I wished, I loved and I dreamt of being happy again with this man along with his mouth organ, You(God) took him away too, as though You don't want happiness to peep into my life again.
On my husband's death, I could at least cry loudly. But on his death, crying too is a wrong doing. Tears have dried off now, absolutely no future, no signs of happiness and again a pin drop silence around. His death bed too tuned up with the music of his mouth organ, and I guess it was the last time. Today, the dim light of the lamp has stopped radiating its light. The white color has taken a permanent charge over my life. O Lord, feelings have vanished; all that remains alive is this dead body.
The unvoiced voice can only express itself through writing, rest everything is false.
My barren forehead pictures the emptiness in my life. The white colored sari resembles the colorless life I'm living. Alive, only for namesake, lips are as if stitched forever. The sad, dull and pale me misses the bubbly, mischievous, carefree and happy me.
O My God! Is it right for a widow to think of her past? To think of her first night, with an unknown person(husband of course)? But today if she longs to be with that very unknown person, is this fair? Is it right to desire to go back to her first night? Noooooo.....This is not right. Go away! All you thoughts, vanish off from here! Leave me alone at once! But unfortunately, there is no control over our thoughts. "Now I am a widow first and then a woman", this is the bitter fact of my life.
Turning off the lamp has become a daily ritual for me, but seeing a stranger who is staring back at me is new to me. His gazing makes me feel uncomfortable. A fear makes its way out, "If my unstable mind wanders and heart beats go high, then what?" Can I control my feelings then? No matter what, I have to remain heartless forever.
O Lord, his mouth organ is unwittingly dragging me towards him. His eyes radiate an immense energy of love. Looking straight into them for a second too melts my heart as never before. I never felt such an intense feeling towards my husband too. And then the subconscious mind mutters, "What are you thinking? You are a widow. The white color can never change into a red one now. Thinking of love again is said as "Paap" or "Sin". You have to control your goalless desires young lady. Sacrifice is the second name of a woman."
When I desired, I wished, I loved and I dreamt of being happy again with this man along with his mouth organ, You(God) took him away too, as though You don't want happiness to peep into my life again.
On my husband's death, I could at least cry loudly. But on his death, crying too is a wrong doing. Tears have dried off now, absolutely no future, no signs of happiness and again a pin drop silence around. His death bed too tuned up with the music of his mouth organ, and I guess it was the last time. Today, the dim light of the lamp has stopped radiating its light. The white color has taken a permanent charge over my life. O Lord, feelings have vanished; all that remains alive is this dead body.
The unvoiced voice can only express itself through writing, rest everything is false.
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